What Do I Want To Be?

Warning: long and rambling post ahead...

As you can probably tell from my lack of posting, I'm feeling rather uninspired about blogging lately. Perhaps I've said everything about knitting that I care to say. The laundry list approach (here's what I'm knitting today...) has always seemed pretty dull to me, and the knitting community hasn't been as primary in my life as some other parts of my life lately. This is partly because I don't have time to go to any knitting groups, or read as many knitting blogs as I used to. Of course I'm still knitting plenty (finished that Manos sweater, started a new one that is also my own design), but for some reason it's not so compelling for me to blog about it.

But I still want to have a blog... I'm just not sure what I want to say.

What has been more primary in my life recently has been my professional life with the UU church. Particularly as I plan for my move to Boston and think about what I want to do there, it's becoming more and more clear that I want to continue on the path I'm on, working for a church or the denomination. I'm even (gulp) considering going to seminary in a few years, although I'm currently more interested in religious education or youth and young adult ministry than parish ministry.

In the parlance of ministry, which I'm around a lot working at a church and knowing a lot of ministers and divinity students, I've been thinking a lot about vocation. Calling. And avocation. I've probably blogged before about how I have this wierd thing where I always want to professionalize whatever I'm interested in. Like knitting. And church. It's kind of funny. Why can't I just have a hobby? It's sort of tied in with my desire to always be the best at whatever I do, even my hobbies. (The inverse is also true: I hate to do any activity which I'm not good at, like bowling.)

So, a year ago I would have said that what I really wanted to be when I grow up is a knit designer. But I tried that on for a little while, and found that actually, knitting on a deadline is not that much fun for me. (Who said your job is supposed to be fun?) Maybe it's enough for me to design sweaters for myself and my loved ones, and to teach the occassional knitting class when I need extra money.

Actually, I had a similar experience with theater. I got to a point where I realized that I just wouldn't enjoy myself as much if my income was dependant on my art. I always said that if you can do anything else for a living besides drama and be happy, do that. I figured out that there were other things that could make me happy. A life in theater just wasn't for me. I enjoy being in the audience a lot more now that I'm not constantly thinking about how I would have directed the play. I miss it sometimes, but maybe I'll get into community theater when I move to the suburbs.

And now I'm professionalizing church. It certainly makes it harder to worship at times, and changes the way I "do" church in major ways. But it's great to have a job that I'm so passionate about that I'm also good at. And a job that actually affects people's lives. Who could ask for more, really?

Anyway, this blog may be changing to something other than mostly a knitting blog. I'm not sure what that is yet, exactly. But I thought it best to give my readers fair warning.

Comments

[Anita]

As a long-time lurker, I'm thrilled to hear you speaking so openly about these issues. I, too, try to professionalize my passions, and have come to the conclusion that some need to be hobbies and others (the ones that people will pay me to do) can comprise a career.

I hope that you continue to blog about you, whether it's your knitting side that inspires you or something at your church or whatever. I, for one, read blogs because I get to hear the minds of other knitters, whether they write about their knitting or their thinking or working. Cheers!

[Dan]

I'll keep coming anyway, even if it turns into Chronicles of a Devoutly Religious Agnostic. Heck, I was coming more for the person than for the knitting tips anyway ...

[Sara]

As someone who has long ago resigned themself to professionalization of all my hobbies (who ever heard of a professional Jew?), I want to say in response to your title, that for me it is less about "What Do I Want to Be?" than about "How Do I Express Who I Am?"...

[mrspilkington]

i did youth and young adult ministry (lay) in the episcopal church for a few years and really enjoyed it. glad you're enjoying your job; it's your blog -- do with it what you will!

[Alison]

Thanks to all for the great comments. Mrs. Pilkington - funny you should mention youth and young adult ministry because that's exactly what I currently feel called to do. I've been wrestling with the problem that we are currently only retaining as adult members about 10% of the children who come through our religious education programs... I'd like to work on getting that number up to around 60%.

[Kay]

This all sounds very exciting! Knitting is always going to be there for you, and designing. Looking forward to reading about it. xoxo Kay