When I was younger, starting with elementary school, I was frequently told that I was not living up to my potential. I have always procrastinated and frequently passed assignments in late. In college, I don't think I started writing a single paper before midnight on the night before it was due. It became to seem sort of pathological - I mean, midnight the night before? Of course, hardly any of them were completed on time. My work was good once it was finally done, but I often got marked down for lateness.
As an adult, my procrastination issues continue to plague my life. Sometimes I feel that I am a very lazy person. I look at my father, who among his many excellent qualities has one of the strongest work ethics I've seen, and I wonder how we could possibly be closely related. This is a man who is one of the first people in the office in the morning, toils diligently all day and produces excellent work, and then goes home and does many projects on the house on weekends.
Me, I roll in at 10:15, read personal e-mail and occassionally blogs during my frequent breaks in the workday, and don't want to lift a finger on my days off. What's wrong with me?
Okay, I have two jobs and also teach and design. My church job often involves evening meetings. But really, I doubt very much that I work more than 30 hours a week at all my jobs combined, and I can't seem to find the time, energy, or will to do laundry or the dishes.
Or complete my patterns. I thought maybe I'd wake up early and do some work on them in the mornings before work, but instead I just sleep until the last possible moment. I haven't been doing yoga either. These are things that I really want for myself!
I'm actually sort of torn. I feel that I need to be more productive, at home and at work. But at the same time I feel that Americans are too obsessed with productivity. My dad thinks I work very hard. Maybe he's right and I'm just torturing myself.
What do you think?
no, what do *you* think? Don't ask the bunch of us. We're just people. You know better than any of us do. Feel like you are on the verge of something that you just need to try a little harder for? like, where's the website, maybe? Just as an example, not as a real thing that I actually think. I believe that you know the answer.
Posted by: julia fc | December 01, 2005 at 11:31 PM
Dearest Alison!!! how many times have i said that to you about myself!!??!! You amaze the heck out of me that you do accomplish so much and and so beautiful too.. i really love the shawls that you made and all the other things that you have designed.. you do accomplish so much and you have nothing to worry about.. you are certainly not lazy .. its is so funny cause i just read an article about adult ADD which i believe i have and have had since childhood and all the things you just wrote about are symptoms.. write to me and i'll send you the link for the articles!! hugs hugs and more hugs .. love Karola
Posted by: Karola | December 02, 2005 at 11:51 AM
I have a similar procrastination problem. I have just been diagnosed with ADD and am taking Ritalin. It has made a big difference, which makes me wonder what I might have accomplished if I had been able to focus better all these years....(I'm 57).
However, the biggest difference to me has been made by the FlyLady (www.flylady.net), who emails advice and encouragement and has organized me. I couldn't have done it by myself. She is better than drugs!
Posted by: Linnea | December 03, 2005 at 12:58 AM
i totally understand. I go back and forth between being like you and being like your dad, i can't strike a balance. i think it's just hard to get going. once you get some momentum maybe it will be easier to be dadlike for at least a spurt
ps typing and holding baby at same time. sorry for lack of caps.
Posted by: kate | December 05, 2005 at 07:16 PM
I've heard the same stuff all my life. One year my boss gave me that evaluation. I thru the paper over to her side of the table and said. "They've been saying this about me since the 4th grade. When do you expect me to change?". I don't think they liked that. I've often wondered if I have Adult ADD, but I don't think I'll ever get around to having myself tested.
Just enjoy what you acomplish and don't worry about the rest.
Posted by: Dympna | December 09, 2005 at 02:00 AM
Oh, you wrote my life on that day. I have been feeling so lazy lately, and it doesn't help that my husband does the dishes and then reminds me that he is doing everything around here, which is a bit of an overstatement, but still, he may be on to something. I keep thinking I should be getting more done with my time. Where does it all go? Something to chat about.
Posted by: Teresa C | December 12, 2005 at 06:22 PM